The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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