remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
