i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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