Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
