I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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