that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
