I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have fence marks all over my body
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
