i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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