so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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