You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
