Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
