I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
