Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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