What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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