I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
