When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
