He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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