Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
