So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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