so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
