is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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