It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
