The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
