Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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