I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
