so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
