maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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