he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize