Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
