She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
