Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
