WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
