Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
