Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
