I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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