dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
