google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
