I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
