my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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