There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
