i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize