So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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