Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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