He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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