I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
