Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
