oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize