I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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