I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
not ubering you a puppy
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
