your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
