Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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