I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize