I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
