Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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