Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
