You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
