also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
