two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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