we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
