Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
