it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
