And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
