she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize