I think i peed on brittanys purse
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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