I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
