I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
