SEEEEXXX PLEASE
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
