In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
