chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
