It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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