Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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