I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
