Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
