how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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