His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize