im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
