Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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