did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
