I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
