Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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