He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize