I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
