I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
