I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
