ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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