dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Barsexuality is the new black.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't deserve a penis
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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