you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
