I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
