WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
