My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
