First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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