this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
